Fear is a constant companion,
it hides; it bides its time,
to nudge me at my loneliest moments.
It wakes me up in sweat from a deep slumber.
It creeps silently and suddenly,
and suffocates me in its vice like grip.
Breathe, I tell myself.
Beat, I tell my heart.
This too shall pass.
But my body and my soul,
side with the enemy, in these mind games we play.
Fear becomes a symptom, physical and mental.
which tells me that I am diseased, decreased and broken.
I resist, before I surrender for the day.
Reminding myself of all the silver linings,
and promises of the sun after the darkest hour.
Hope surfaces, mostly to be crushed by fear.
Life is not a metaphor and it offers no guarantees.
In fairy tales maybe, not in reality.
I have won many battles, but I have always lost the war.
And therefore fear remains.
But I have learnt to swim with this albatross around my neck.
and the spirit remains.